His presence used to make me feel physically ill. I hated everything about him. The way he used her, hurt her. So how come I get butterflies around him now? This is so frustrating. I can't look at him anymore. Because when I do my heart skips. And I want to rip it out and teach it a lesson it should've learned long ago.

And that dream I dreamed about him. His arms around my shoulders. I would've shrugged away before. But instead, in my dream, I leaned into him, and I felt comfortable, I felt okay again.

I'm really confused. Things were easier when I hated him.


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